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11/20/2008

Waiting for Goodbye

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This (non qualifying) post for my Cell Phone Users and Abusers contest has to do with conversation etiquette.

The issue – when is a conversation over? Have you ever had a conversation with someone who is impossible to get off the phone? Someone who will continue to find something to say long after the topic has been exhausted? Someone who responds to every “good bye” with an “oh just one more thing …”? Someone who never picks up the hint that the conversation is OVER?
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WAITING FOR GOODBYE

An existential cell phone drama in one act, by Brad Shorr

ESTRAGON: It’s been fabulous catching up with you on the weather …

VLADIMIR: Agreed! Have you noticed the dew point has risen every day this week?

ESTRAGON: I really must leave for the funeral. It’s my father-in-law, you know.

VLADIMIR: Have you brought in your patio furniture yet? They say it might snow Saturday.

ESTRAGON: Good God! Can we cut this short? A meteor just hit the garage.

VLADIMIR: I brought in my patio furniture last night. The dew point will fall if it snows.
____________________________________________________________________

These situations give me extreme heartburn. And yet it doesn’t end with phone conversations.

  • What about email exchanges when both parties seem hell bent on having the last word? Such exchanges can go on for weeks.
  • What about blog comments? Do you, as a blog author, feel compelled to respond to every commenter’s comment? What if the commenter has the same compulsion? When is a blog post conversation over?

I guess I’m from the short and sweet school of digital conversation. How about you? Can you chat on for hours, or do you like to keep it brief?

You start a conversation you can’t even finish it.
You’re talkin’ a lot, but you’re not sayin’ anything.
When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed.
Say something once, why say it again? (Talking Heads, Psycho Killer)

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123 Responses to Waiting for Goodbye

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  1. Karen Swim

    ROFL! I am sure that I have been guilty of droning on, on occasion. I may also be guilty of being too brief at times. I’m actually not much of a phone talker but this makes me think, “have I ever done this, holy horror!” I certainly have been on the receiving end of never ending conversations where I was ready to stab myself to escape the misery.

    Karen Swims last blog post..5 Great Blogs You May Not Be Reading

    Reply
  2. Brad Shorr

    Hi Karen, My guess is most of us don’t realize we’re carrying on. Your commentary is far too interesting to fall into the Vladimir category, so don’t worry!

    Brad Shorrs last blog post..Waiting for Goodbye

    Reply
  3. Karen Swim

    LOL! I think you’re right Brad we don’t realize it. I have one relative that I almost have to hang up on every single time, it’s hysterical and once I really did eye a fork and think that the pain would be far less than the conversation. LOL!

    Karen Swims last blog post..5 Great Blogs You May Not Be Reading

    Reply
  4. Brad Shorr

    Karen, LOL back at you. This conversation is now making me think of a related topic, the Meeting that Won’t End. Drives me bonkers. I’ve been in meetings that kept running an hour or more after they could ended. That’s when I start singing those Psycho Killer lyrics. (In my head.) :)

    Brad Shorrs last blog post..Waiting for Goodbye

    Reply
  5. Joanna Young

    Brad, you’re right this applies in so many settings. I do have a very dear friend who won’t end phone calls, but I’ve learned a) to multi-task quietly while she talks and b) to tell her when it’s time to stop. We’re close enough I can say it without offence.

    Meetings that never end… oh yes. Those clever clogs who think of ‘just one more thing’

    There’s also ‘leaving the office that never ends’ – I can remember trying to get away from a colleague who’d keep talking when you had your coat on, as you walked out of the room, as you got into the lift… there was no way to stop it!

    PS As for blog comments we could give it a try if you like, keep coming back here to comment you can never leave your pc…

    Joanna Youngs last blog post..Why You’re Never Too Late To Comment Here

    Reply
  6. Robert Hruzek

    And you forgot to mention the most obvious place for ongoing conversations – Twitter! The problem is, it’s so easy to just keep goin’ and goin’ like the Eveready Bunny. Not that I’ve, er, ever, um, done it myself, you understand…

    Robert Hruzeks last blog post..Just When They Think You’re Smart

    Reply
  7. Brad Shorr

    Joanna, Smashing idea about the endless comments!! Ever since I was a young boy, I dreamed of having a 100-comment blog post. Maybe this one could be it! LOL on your story of walking out of a room with your colleague chasing you. That would make a good Scrambled Toast guest post hint hint.

    Robert, Twitter … DOH! You are so right. I never know when to end an exchange. It’s so much fun. Do you think it’s the novelty?

    Brad Shorrs last blog post..Waiting for Goodbye

    Reply
  8. Robert Hruzek

    The novelty… and perhaps the ease of use, too. Plus, the spontaneity of it all contributes as much as anything else.

    Hey, you wanna go for 100 comments? I’m game! (tweets this post)

    Robert Hruzeks last blog post..Just When They Think You’re Smart

    Reply
  9. Cam Beck

    It’s axiomatic in my family that you have to start saying goodbye about half an hour before you plan to actually leave, because everyone wants to get in that last conversation. :)

    Cam Becks last blog post..Tough Times Are Coming

    Reply
  10. Robert Hruzek

    “… ever since I was a young boy…”

    Hey, I just got it! Bwa-ha-ha-ha! (Er, sorry.)

    Robert Hruzeks last blog post..Just When They Think You’re Smart

    Reply
  11. Marcus Goodyear

    I can be chatty, sure. But more and more, I try to respect people’s time by saying. “OK, let’s just talk for a bit. Do you have time for that?”

    My friend is the king of cutting a conversation off. He’ll say, “Hey, it’s been great. I gotta run.” And -poof- he’s gone.

    Marcus Goodyears last blog post..Names

    Reply
  12. Tabetha

    Interesting post to shoot for 100 comments on. I’m just curious, will the 101st replier be the one who didn’t know when to stop? :)

    Oh, wait, I’m going on and on about nothing. That’s my cue. By the way…..

    Reply
  13. Ellen Weber

    As it goes, it’s popular to hate cell phone and their users whenever they disturb your life – which is quite frequently.

    That fact only added to the drama during a very serious sermon, when the cell phone of a lady next to me went off with one of those particularly obnoxious and loud jangles.

    Everybody in this church – where I attended this highly populated talk as a guest – turned and looked all their “I-hate-cell-users-in-church” daggers. The lady with the cell phone seemed to get a kick out of the fact that I appeared to be the culprit and she smiled and looked my way too:-)

    See why I hate cell phones in quiet places?

    Ellen Webers last blog post..Christmas Shop with the Brain in Mind

    Reply
  14. Anita Bruzzese

    I think one of my biggest pet peeves is the person who says in a meeting, “Well, let me play devil’s advocate here…” and you know good a well that means another endless round of arguing about a subject that’s been debated to death.
    For me, I’ve got an excuse when I’ve had enough of any phone conversation/meeting/e-mail: “Gee, I’ve got to run now. I just got a call that the transplant is a go for my kidney/heart/brain.” See ya.

    Anita Bruzzeses last blog post..10 of the Toughest Interview Questions Ever

    Reply
  15. Jacob from Group Writing Projects

    It depends. For certain people, my cell is just for quick conversations. For others, I’ll spend at least 30 min. And even then, it doesn’t have so much to do with the person in question as it does have to do with the circumstances. For example, I have a friend that will call me to kill time while commuting home from work.

    Jacob from Group Writing Projectss last blog post..A Blog Carnival and A Writing Contest

    Reply
  16. Luke Gedeon

    I guess, I need to get a bigger dream. I am still dreaming about a ten-comment post.

    Reply
  17. Luke Gedeon

    Btw, This was all Hruzek’s idea.

    Reply
  18. Luke Gedeon

    Oh, yeah since I know that Robert Hruzek is going to be coming back to check on this post, would this be a good place to ask how to pronounce his last name?

    Yes?

    Ok, Robert, How do you pronounce that name?

    Reply
  19. Robert Hruzek

    Luke, it’s quite simple, really. It rhymes with “Smith”. Bwaha-ha-ha-ha! (Y’know; I don’t understand why Mrs. MZM always rolls her eyes when I tell folks that. I personally think it’s genuinely funny. *sigh*)

    Robert Hruzeks last blog post..Just When They Think You’re Smart

    Reply
  20. Luke Gedeon

    Ellen,

    Wow, that was not nice at all. (trying to think of a good revenge strategy) Oh wait, can’t do that at church…. Oh well.

    Reply
  21. Sterling Camden

    Don’t forget IM chat sessions. They just won’t go away.

    Sterling Camdens last blog post..Chipping the web: November 19th

    Reply
  22. Luke Gedeon

    Ok, so is it Hith or Rith?

    Reply
  23. Ellen Weber

    Luke, you are so funny! HaHaHaHaHa The church adds a whole new dimension to the revenge stuff – it’s like sending lightning to an iron rod :-)

    Ellen Webers last blog post..Christmas Shop with the Brain in Mind

    Reply
  24. Brad Shorr

    Hi Cam, If your family gets together for a half hour visit, then what? My wife’s family is like yours. My side of the family is more inclined to the quick, no frills exit. I must say I prefer the former! BTW, I really like your blog.

    Robert, Am I giving away my age? :)

    Tabetha, Good point about #101. Perhaps that person should win a prize … perhaps a free copy of the Cell Hell book? Also, I just read your latest blog post. It is wonderful, beautiful.

    Marcus, Great advice to ask a simple qualifying question – “Do you have time?” It’s as simple as that! Your friend has a knack. Not everyone can execute a quick exit line without coming off like a jerk.

    Ellen, This woman you describe needs to be in church in the worst way. That’s about the only positive thing I can say about your story. You should read my Scrambled Toast post on the very same subject – you’ll probably relate. :) http://tinyurl.com/6z24hs

    Anita, Oh yeah, that devil’s advocate was sent by the devil himself. What about meetings where you have 2 or 3 or 4 people hell bent on playing that role? Time for a heart transplant, I say!

    To new guests/commenters, thank you for visiting Word Sell and sharing your ideas!

    Brad Shorrs last blog post..Waiting for Goodbye

    Reply
  25. Brad Shorr

    Jacob, The commuter time killer phone abuser is a classic category. I do that myself frequently, but I have an excuse. The Chicago traffic is unbearable.

    Luke, Thank you for padding the comments on the Road to 100! Something tells me you’re getting a free Cell Phone book.

    Sterling, IM Chat! DOH! The possibilities on this topic are as endless as an IM conversation, don’t you think?

    Brad Shorrs last blog post..Waiting for Goodbye

    Reply
  26. Sterling Camden

    Absolutely. And one good way to perpetuate a conversation is to end each comment with a question. So with that in mind:

    What is your quest?

    Sterling Camdens last blog post..Chipping the web: November 19th

    Reply
  27. Brad Shorr

    Sterling, I like the way you think, don’t you? :) You ask a really good question. My quest is to grow closer to God and learn as much as I can about world history. Getting a 100-comment blog post would also be cool.

    Brad Shorrs last blog post..Waiting for Goodbye

    Reply
  28. Sterling Camden

    Is there any way that I could answer your question in the negative?

    Sterling Camdens last blog post..Chipping the web: November 19th

    Reply
  29. Brad Shorr

    Sterling, Hedge your bets with a “perhaps”, perhaps?

    Brad Shorrs last blog post..Waiting for Goodbye

    Reply
  30. Sterling Camden

    That works for me, I’m all about uncertainty.

    When you stop questioning, you stop learning — am I right? Perhaps?

    Sterling Camdens last blog post..Chipping the web: November 19th

    Reply
  31. Brad Shorr

    Sterling, thank you for prolonging this discussion with your thought provoking questions. We could continue this for hours or weeks, but I think a meteor hit my house. :)

    Brad Shorrs last blog post..Waiting for Goodbye

    Reply
  32. Sterling Camden

    Ahhh!! Not the meteor! OK, I’ll shut up.

    Sterling Camdens last blog post..Chipping the web: November 19th

    Reply
  33. paul merrill

    I’m not a phone person. Face-to-face? Much better. Any day of the week.

    paul merrills last blog post..Why is it that we always want to be somewhere else?

    Reply
  34. Brad Shorr

    Hi Paul, Thanks for visiting. One of the first participants in this contest, Karen, refuses to own a cell phone. Perhaps all the overuse and abuse of cell phones will bring people around to your point of view. It does seem that cell phone moderation is out the window.

    Brad Shorrs last blog post..Waiting for Goodbye

    Reply
  35. Robert Hruzek

    Gee, looks like we’re well on our way to your goal, Brad!

    Luke, I’m sorry; I actually meant to answer earlier. My name is actually pronounced “ru-zak”. The “H” is silent, like the “t” in the word “door” (ba-da-dum!)

    Anyway, I use the “I gotta go” technique myself sometimes, although it can be abrupt to the wrong person. But for one friend, we’ve struck a deal that it’s OK to abruptly end because otherwise he’d talk forever. He knows that about himself and it’s fine with him.

    Robert Hruzeks last blog post..Why I Hate Cell Phones

    Reply
  36. Robert Hruzek

    By the way, if you’re worried about meteors falling on yourself or your loved ones, just wear one of these and you’ll get at least 0.0000073 seconds warning to get out of the way!

    Robert Hruzeks last blog post..Just When They Think You’re Smart

    Reply
  37. Parth

    I will have the last word! Muhahahahh!

    Parths last blog post..Make your Quick Workout even Quicker by Timing your Workouts

    Reply
  38. Cath Lawson

    LOL Brad – I hate long phone conversations. And emails that ask me two questions in one go are a real nightmare.

    Blog commenters who want to have the last word can be a pain. I never know whether I’ll offend them if I don’t respond again, or if it’s best just to let them get on with it.

    Cath Lawsons last blog post..Do You Have Business Questions?

    Reply
  39. Ulla Hennig

    Due to this timezone thing I only just a few seconds ago came along your post and this wonderful comment string. Do you the situation in a meeting where the moderator desperately says: “Please no contributions which repeat things that have been said before”, and there is a person (there always is a person) who exactly repeats what one second before has been said by the man or woman sitting beside him or her?

    Ulla Hennigs last blog post..The cell phone that wasn’t turned off

    Reply
  40. Joanna Young

    This is one conversation I’m glad hasn’t ended! I loved the question about Hith or Rith :-)

    Re Cath’s comment: I tend not to reply to a second reply to a comment (unless it was a question) for fear it’ll go on forever. And just descend into niceties.

    On IM – I do find it hard to know when it’s finished and there are lots of ‘going now’ and ‘that’s me off now’… but it’s such a cheery medium I don’t really mind.

    How many more till 100?

    Joanna Youngs last blog post..Thinking About Self-Publishing? Read This Book

    Reply
  41. Brad Shorr

    Parth, Perhaps, but not so easily. PS, I love the word, “muhahahahh”.

    Robert, LOL on that pic! Where do you come up with these things?

    Cath, Comment etiquette is indeed a theme worthy of conversation. Very Joanna Youngish … maybe she will tackle it. On the phone, short conversers are totally incompatible with long conversers. Maybe we should all identify ourselves instead of saying “hello” when we answer the phone.

    Joanna, We’re not even half way to 100, but it’s been fun even if we fall short. Folks are bringing up all sorts of wonderful perspectives on endless conversation.

    Ulla, the problem you refer to happens all the time. It actually exposes the root of the problem. People who blather on are oblivious to what people around them are saying, or what their body language is saying. The poor moderator hasn’t got a chance!

    Reply
  42. Andrew

    I’m with Luke, the ten comment post seems more like a distant dream to me than a nightmare.

    As much as I finishing conversations can be difficult is difficult with all forms of electronic communication, face to face is even more difficult.

    That’s where I find that there is some consolation to being single. Whenever I am at a social occasion and would like to leave, as a single, there is no need to wait until my partner has finished a conversation. I simply wait for the first polite opportunity to excuse myself.

    I can only imagine how difficult this process must be for couples, particularly if one partner is especially talkative.

    Andrews last blog post..Guest post from Brad Shorr

    Reply
  43. Brad Shorr

    Andrew, You’ve put your finger on yet another nightmare scenario. My wife and I have this precise problem. When I’m ready to go, I’m ready to go. She can say good bye for an hour. Actually, as problems go, this is probably a small one. But vexing nonetheless. :)

    Brad Shorrs last blog post..You Know You’re Old When …

    Reply
  44. Luke Gedeon

    Brad,

    I thought it was interesting that you mentioned a meteor yesterday and then that big one landed near Edmonton last night. Coincidence?

    Reply

  45. Pingback: One hundred comments on a single post - Luke Gedeon

  46. Robert Hruzek

    Maybe Brad has the power of suggestion? In that case… I suggest you give me a million dollars!

    Robert Hruzeks last blog post..A Quick Look Ahead

    Reply
  47. Karen Swim

    If Brad has that kind of power, count me in for another million Robert! In fact, since it’s just me, 500,000 will do just fine. :-)

    Karen Swims last blog post..5 Great Blogs You May Not Be Reading

    Reply
  48. Robert Hruzek

    I’ll tell ya what, Karen; we’ll split it! Oh, and I’m sure there’ll be enough left over to by you a beer, Brad…

    Robert Hruzeks last blog post..Inlaws and Outlaws

    Reply
  49. Brad Shorr

    Luke, Could be a coincidence, but I doubt it … thanks for the plug on your blog!

    Karen, Robert, If I had the power, and the cash, you two would be toward the top of the list. Can I offer you a couple free copies of the Cell Hell book instead?

    Brad Shorrs last blog post..You Know You’re Old When …

    Reply
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